Over 30 and dating
I had been so conditioned to believe that I wasn't in the driver's seat when it came to dating (thanks, New York) that I had become way too passive; I was so obsessed with wondering whether someone liked me that I forgot about the part that was just as important: whether I actually liked them.
And going out with so many different people — in fact, simply encountering so many different people, even just on the app — had the effect of, also, helping me refine what it really was I was looking for.
But for me, that became: anyone whose first profile photo was of them holding a beer; anyone whose first profile photo was of them shirtless in an upside-down yoga pose (granted, this might be an L. thing); anyone who seemed deeply unenthusiastic about their career (too old for this); anyone who lived in Orange County (too far and too suburban); anyone who had a picture of themselves proudly holding a large fish they had caught.
Or if they did, they were keeping it a secret, like me.
So my boyfriends were guys I met in grad school, or at work, or through friends, or, once, at the optician.
who would like to marry someday and want to enjoy dating in the meantime." And I think that's especially true if you are in your thirties and you are looking for a relationship, and you see dating as a means to that end.
There are, of course, exceptions to every single rule, but I found that the people on Tinder in their thirties were, generally, more receptive to the idea of being in a relationship than you would expect. I spent most of my twenties in a series of relatively short-lived monogamous relationships.
Search for over 30 and dating:
Or if I went a couple of days without a match, I despaired: Was it possible I had exhausted the entire population of age-appropriate men in Los Angeles, and none of them was interested in me? I started taking my phone to bed with me, which had been a longtime taboo, so that I could swipe, swipe, swipe late into the night. When it started feeling like it was taking over my life, I deleted it from my phone, took a break of a few days or a few weeks, and started again.